The Hardest Thing to Do was SAY NOTHING and WALK AWAY...

Between Me and You,

So it's late evening, i'm frustrated as wreckless thoughts enter my mind. I open up my phone to text, my anger pours through my fingertips as i type ferociously; intensly enuciating my heart! Intricately speaking what's on my soul, It goes as follows,


My imagination ran wild today as i pictured a perfect you and me.....we laughed and we joked. We shared our lives together and sat and talked about our futures. Both of us envisioned each other in our destiny's so we just laid there. As fiction crept in to my mind i fought it.....focusing on a realistic utopia of our beings. You loved me just as much as i loved you if not more than me loving you; it more than exceeded my dreams....I mean i ramble on and on but you know me the best. Even my imperfections shine so fluidly as a VVS that you see right through the cracks and honor my BEST....my potential enlightens you and your passion inspires me....we work together as our partnership grows magnitudes over any dynasty...WE MATCH! you make me have joy not temporary happiness and i feel warmth inside as you never criticize my sensitivity that makes me melt with pride. I lay there and look around as fiction turned to REALITY..................................

Truth

....................................and i realize, there was never a perfect you and me. In fact i hurt more than i'm happy and my pain has become so deep rooted it hinders me physically. The truth is you never loved me! And although i've played with the idea that you might just care for me, my heart stops beating realisticly as my fiction was never believable enough to pass as truth. I gave all of me while you gave the bare minimum of you. Everytime i'm ready to leave i tell you so you can try to convince me of my make believe truth. You never convince me to stay in fact you tell me i'm free to leave. I hurt and you see my weakness so you send a short text never apologizing but saying you MISS ME.......you MISS ME????? WHY??? and you always answer that i'm being difficult. I explain my hurt and instead of replying from your heart you say......"I MEAN MALISSA WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY OR DO" i want you to tell me your heart.....and if i'm not apart of that speech i want you to have the courage to tell me to depart. I want you to acknowledge my pain and not use me to come see you when you wanna feel a certain type of way...I want you to leave me alone because i've gotten fed up with your inconsistency. I want you to truthfully leave my life never to return because of what you've done to me...........

Wait

...................you're guilty of making me HATE MYSELF.........because if i loved me i would've realized a long time ago that i never needed someone who only LIKED ME to complete me......I would've realized a long time ago that i don't want someone that i have to threaten to leave to finally show some affection towards me....I would've realized that all the money, gas, time and emotions spent giving myself materialistically only abused ME and only ME.....and i would've realized that i never needed to tell you i'm leaving just so you could PITY me.........

Think about it

FINALLY..............my anger grew increasingly as i looked at the screen of exceeded number of characters written in one text! A single tear drew down my face, as my finger graced towards the send button. No proof reading was aloud.........because as my heart drew closer to press SEND........................i took one last look at the screen.........................AND I PRESSED DELETE!!!!!!!!

Reality

~THE HARDEST THING TO DO IS TO BE QUIET, SAY NOTHING AND WALK AWAY.....I'M DONE EXPRESSING HOW I FEEL, I'M DONE BEGGING YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME AND HEAR ME.....BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY I'M DONE NOT CARING ABOUT ME.....I WON'T TREAT YOU HOW YOU TREATED ME....I WON'T SAY HURTFUL THINGS OR ALLOW YOU TO UPSET ME...I'LL JUST SIMPLY BE HUMBLE, SAY NOTHING AND WALK AWAY.....ladies and gentlemen i hope through my situation you can find strength through me!

~Intimately MalissaRenee~